


Does that mean I passed?

by HashtagPomegranate



Series: Quality over Quantity [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 05:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18161939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HashtagPomegranate/pseuds/HashtagPomegranate
Summary: After Peggy Carter's death, Natasha shows up at the funeral, not for Steve, but for Sharon





	Does that mean I passed?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Dornish Jedi, who made a comment on another fic of mine about how grateful they were I left the possibility of Nat/Sharon open. While that didn't happen in that fic, the idea stuck. My original idea was a little more light-hearted but very much set during the first Iron Man and I figured it was time I wrote something with some of the newer movies. 
> 
> Let me know what you think.

Natasha stood at the back of the church watching as Sharon spoke.  The speech was pretty and probably the opposite of what Steve needed to hear at the moment. 

But that was the thing.  The speech wasn’t for Steve.  It wasn’t even for Peggy, Sharon’s aunt.  The speech was for Sharon, who needed to remind herself of the beautiful things about this life lost.

Who needed to remember that the person who had inspired her, helped her, and nurtured her had had a spirit that couldn’t be broken.  She needed this reminder that even though her Aunt Peggy was gone, that spirit and perseverance still continued in her.

Natasha silently watched as Sharon took her seat, trying to keep her shoulders back.  It wouldn’t have been noticeable to a civilian, but Natasha was far from a civilian, Sharon’s hands were shaking.  Even having time to prepare for death, didn’t make it any easier.

The ceremony finished up and the crowd started to stream out for the burial.  Natasha stepped behind a pillar.  Her face was known now and she didn’t want her appearance to take away from the mourning.  

When the church was mostly empty, she stepped up, taking a moment to talk to Steve.  He was also grieving, and Natasha understood the situation he was in.  It was interesting times, and those interesting times weren’t kind to anyone.

She watched as he left, shoulders hunched in the dreary weather, and then she refocused on what she was really there for. 

Sharon was still sitting in that front row pew.  Natasha slid onto the seat right next to her, the dark wood uncomfortable almost instantly.  She had never understood the religious need for punishment.  Wasn’t life punishment enough.  Even the Russians didn’t make things uncomfortable for the sake of being uncomfortable.

She set her disdain for organized religion aside.  The church didn’t matter to her, but it was important to Sharon. 

“Thanks for coming.”  Sharon said in a voice that was noticeably weaker than the earlier oration. 

“Nothing could have kept me from this.”  Natasha said truthfully.  It was a hard-fought truth.  Natasha had struggled for years with being honest with people.  It had started with Clint after he brought her in when she was at her lowest.  She had set herself up for assassination and that hot-mess of a person brought her in instead.

At first it was only Clint.  And then, Coulson.  They talked to her without prejudice.  They understood her past wasn’t perfect, but gave her to opportunity to improve.

And then came Sharon.  Sharon who seemed to bring a light with her.  Sharon, who learned from her Aunt how to take no Bullshit.  The first time Natasha had tried to pull something over on Sharon, the blonde had cocked and eyebrow and Natasha couldn’t help letting her grin fade from something practiced to something natural. 

It had been hard-fought to open up.  Hard-fought to care for something that changed.  A gun didn’t change if you took care of it.  Electric shock continued to affect people even after the current had been stopped.  The knives, as long as they were sharpened, worked effectively.  But people, people could change on a whim. 

Sharon had helped make it clear that change wasn’t a bad thing.  She had proven it with haircuts and delicate touches.  The first two times Natasha had tried to kiss her, she had pushed away.  “I know what you’re doing, and it’s not the right time.  I want you to mean it.”  Natasha could read through the lines; I’m not your coping mechanism, I can’t be the thing you use to escape your life, and most importantly, I want you to want me for me, not for any other reason. 

And Sharon had been true to her word. The third time she kissed her, Sharon had pulled back, looked into her eyes, and smiled.  “See, this time you mean it.” Sharon had pulled her back in, suddenly fierce, holding her in and taking command of the interaction.  It was so unlike what Natasha was used to that she couldn’t help but to go along for the ride.

Everything was soft and smooth and Natasha could feel the heat starting in her lips and then spread throughout the rest of her body.  It was a uniquely new experience.

And here she was, supporting Sharon in whatever way she could.  It felt wrong to try to take her hand.  Felt too contrived, exactly what anyone would have done in that situation.  So instead Natasha does what she does best; she lets her presence do her talking. 

It almost surprised her when Sharon leaned over to try and kiss her.  Natasha started to kiss back, and would have continued to do so, except that Sharon’s hands came; one grabbing her shoulder, the other burying in her hair. 

No other indication could have been more clear.  The hands were shaking just slightly, and Natasha pushed her back.  “I need you to mean it.”

Sharon sighed and let her head drop to Natasha’s shoulder.  Natasha brought her hands up to Sharon’s shoulders, trying to giver he some modicum of comfort.  She heard a mumbled, “You never drown in emotion.”

Natasha couldn’t help the huff that escaped her, “Sharon, I’m always drowning in emotion, but you taught me that some emotions need to be felt before you really escape them.”

“Low blow throwing my own wisdom back at me.”  The response held no real joy.  Looking around, the church was mostly empty.  They were going to be late if they didn’t move.

 

Natasha waited in the background of the actual burial.  She wasn’t family, had never actually met Peggy Carter, and she didn’t want to take away from the weight of the day.  Sharon stood up front with her back straight and her hair perfectly put together through the whole event.  The military had taught her how to keep a straight back, and Aunt Peggy had taught her a stiff upper lip could suit you well in almost any situation.

The dull thud of the dirt hitting the casket seemed to be what finally broker her.  Tears started to fall gently down her face, leaving trails that wouldn’t have been noticeable if Sharon had been outside of the tent set up for family.  Natasha made the slightest movement, just enough to catch Sharon’s eye, and received a head shake, a slight warning that this wasn’t the time or place.

Yet again, she waited until everyone else was leaving before approaching.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to stand up next to Sharon, to lend her support, and show that she wasn’t alone.  But, that wasn’t who they were. 

Before she could reach the tent, Sharon had started towards her; walking away from the hole in the ground that would soon be filled.  Natasha held out the umbrella so they walk side by side in the silence Sharon seemed to want. 

Natasha drove.  Sharon sat in the passenger’s side, she wasn’t the kind of person to pull her legs onto the seat, didn’t seem to feel the need to pull into herself, to make herself smaller.  Everyone handled grief differently and Sharon mostly seemed to want a distraction.  She didn’t talk, but she did have her phone out.  From a quick glance, it looked like she was playing Candy Crush, one of the few electronic guilty pleasures Sharon allowed herself these days.

The car pulled into the driveway at the home that had been Peggy Carter’s.  That’s where the family had been staying after all. They sat in the silent car for a few moments; neither of them wanting to be the first person to move.  It seemed that every step away from the funeral made the whole situation more real.  They had already attended the service and the burial, but it all seemed like something out of a movie, like it could have been happening to someone else, but to step back into that house… that would be an admission.

Sharon breathed in deeply and then finally pulled the door open.  Natasha just took to following through her house.  She hadn’t been there before and under other circumstances would have been more curious, but there was something more important to do.  She trailed after Sharon, picking up the pieces of damp clothing where Sharon had dropped them. 

It becomes clear which room must have been Sharon’s on the various family visits as it’s the only room on the second floor where the door is wide open.  Sharon is standing in front of a dresser in just her underwear, riffling through a drawer.  She pulls out an oversized and worn-out t-shirt.  “You want one?” She asks, voice shaking just slightly.

“Yeah, thanks.” Sharon pulled out another one and threw it at Natasha’s face, the ghost of a smile coming across her face, an attempt to pull herself together before she remembers she didn’t need to pretend in front of Natasha.  They had both seen plenty of emotions from each other; joy, guilt, anger, excitement, grief wasn’t exactly a new one either.

Even though there was still light outside, Sharon was getting ready for bed, and Natasha wasn’t going to ask any questions. 

The bathroom only had the basics; a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and some towels. It didn’t take too much time for Natasha to get ready, it was a simple thing to slip out of her clothes and into the shirt.  Gentle noises were still coming through the door so Natasha took her time brushing her teeth.  A modicum of privacy could be the best gift.

By the time she was finished, Sharon was already in bed, curled up in herself.  She had heard the door opening, but was trying not to react.  Natasha pulled up the covers and slipped in next to her. Sharon immediately turned over and rested her head on Natasha’s shoulder, throwing and arm over her ribcage. 

The rarely shared the same space during the night.  They spent as much time as they could together but had a hard time making a sleeping situation work.  The first was from logistics, Sharon worked more traditional hours and Natasha tended to work a little more erratic schedule.  Even worse, neither of them were particularly good sleepers.  Sharon had learned how to be a light sleeper and Natasha was plagued with bad dreams, dreams that were often based on memories.  They had learned quickly that they needed to have separate rooms, except on special occasions, and this was a special occasion. 

Natasha hadn’t expected the way Sharon had grabbed onto her.  Whenever they had shared a bed, the two women would normally sleep with a small amount of distance, enough to feel the heat of another person, but without the worry of waking up from a nightmare and having an immediate negative reaction.

But then, neither of them seemed to plan to actually sleep that much.  Natasha wrapped her arm around Sharon’s back and lightly rubbed the worn cotton.  Natasha watched as the light traveled across the room as night truly fell, and remembered the first time the two women had spent the night together.  They hadn’t been far into their flirtation but had been on a mission together on a truck that was sneaking them out of a bad situation.  It had been cramped and smelled bad, but they had still been able to crack a few jokes about trying to get fresh with each other.  There had been this thrill of ‘accidental brushes’ which had now become that safe harbor.  The thing that could be trusted even in the dark. 

Natasha preferred what they had now, even if this moment was tainted with grief. 

She dozed, hand still on Sharon’s back, their legs tangled together.  A chirp out of nowhere startled both of them.  They held onto each other for just a few more seconds before they broke that silence.  Natasha reached over to Sharon’s clothes, the clothes that had been dumped in the chair near the bed, to pull out Sharon’s phone. 

Without glancing at the screen, Natasha passed it over.  She took a moment to appreciate the way the light from the screen highlighted Sharon’s features.  With everything that was happening now, there was a question as to when they were going to be able to see each other again.  It could be some time, and call her a romantic, or sappy, or stupid, but Natasha wanted to be able to remember Sharon’s face in every form it could take. 

Love seemed too slight a word for this devotion.

She heard the sigh and knew what it meant.  The time for grief was over.  There was work to be done.

Natasha didn’t bother to move from the bed as Sharon started moving around.  Apparently, her suitcase had been stashed in the room already and she pulled out some fresh clothes out and went to the bathroom.  The shower started and the falling water was almost soothing.  The difference between Sharon the day before and the Sharon that would be exiting the bathroom in ten minutes would be astounding. 

The shower turned out and Natasha closed her eyes to imagine the next steps. Sharon would towel off efficiently and quickly, put on the clothes with a quick glance in the mirror to confirm everything was in place.  Then would come brushing her teeth and a quick makeup break.  They had agreed early on that makeup was the best part of a mask.  It was something men always seemed to overlook, made them underestimate the women around them. 

The door creaked open and a hint of steam brushed across Natasha’s face.  Her eyes opened to see Sharon perfect and ready to go, it almost seemed like the previous days’ emotion had never happened.

Natasha crooked her finger and Sharon walked over standing just above her.  Her head tilted, an obvious invitation which Sharon accepted.  The blonde’s head ducked down and brushed her lips against Natasha’s.  Natasha took the time to deepen the kiss.  They might not see each other for a while and she wanted to let her Partner know how much she was loved and appreciated. 

Sharon pulled back, some of the tension having dropped from her shoulders.  “Does that mean I passed?”

“That was a kiss for the future. I love you.”

“I know.”  Was the snarky answer.  Sharon’s eyes had a bit of their usual twinkle.  “I love you too.”  Sharon ducked in for a quick peck before she walked resolutely towards the door. 

 


End file.
